Brochure Copy

metalBrochure text needs to be snappy and to-the-point. Here at Beaumont Hardy, we edit text for brochures on any subject and for any business.

The following is a the unedited version of copy on a brochure offering glass-cutting services. Below the unedited version is my edit of the same text. My editorial comments are at the bottom of this post.

Don’t throw away your old bottles which can be turned into many other uses. Your old bottles can be made into glasses or vases by our trained glass cutters. Or, for an extra fee, we can personally etch anything you want into your bottle, glass or vase. Flowers, patterns or your own personal designs. We can etch anything into glass.

In this day and age of recycling and “thinking green” everyone wants to think of new uses for old things. One of the easiest objects to reuse and recycle is glass, especially glass bottles.

Do you have a closet filled with old glass bottles that are too pretty to throw away? Or are you sentimentally attached to old bottles that you really aren’t using. Keep the bottles that you love and treasure but put them to work for you. Turn your old bottles into glasses that you can actually use everyday.

Our expert glasscutters carefully cut off the top of a bottle and sand the cut part smooth. It’s so smooth that you can safely use the bottom part of the bottle for drinking.

Some bottles are just too pretty to throw away. Keep them and making them useful by turning them into drinking glasses instead.

We can also do an “extra”-special trick on your wine bottles. We cut off the top of the bottle and carefully fuse the top to the bottom of the bottle, creating a really unique and one of a kind “wine glass” that makes use of every part of the bottle. 100% recycling!

Mail us your bottles or bring them into our workshop yourself. We’ll quote you a price that will make you happy.

After editing, the brochure copy reads something like this:

Don’t throw away your old bottles. Let our trained glass cutters turn them into drinking glasses, vases or hand-etched decorations that you can use and enjoy every day.

In this age of recycling and “thinking green,” everyone wants to find new uses for old things. One of the easiest objects to reuse and recycle is glass—especially glass bottles.

When you bring us a bottle, our expert glass cutters carefully cut off its top and sand the cut part smooth—so smooth that you can safely use the bottom part of the bottle for drinking.

We can also do an extra-special trick with your wine bottles. We cut off the top of the bottle and carefully fuse the top to the bottom of the bottle, creating a unique wine glass that reuses every part of the bottle. 100% recycling!

We also offer glass etching services. Our skilled glass etchers will personally etch flowers, patterns or your own personal design into any bottle, glass or vase. We can etch anything.

Keep the bottles that you love and treasure—old glass bottles that are too pretty to throw away or bottles that bring back fond memories—but put them to work for you.

Mail us your bottles, or bring them to our workshop yourself. We’ll quote you a price that will make you happy.

Below is the text with my editing marks. My comments to the author are in brackets and italicized. The portions I cut appear with a strike-through, and the portions I added are underlined. (In a normal Word document with “Track Changes,” my editing marks are in red, and my comments are in their own separate section, not inserted into the text.):

Don’t throw away your old bottles which can be turned into many other uses. Let Your old bottles can be made into glasses or vases by our trained glass cutters turn them into drinking glasses, vases or hand-etched decorations that you can use and enjoy every day . [Readers of your brochure will want to know, up front, what exactly your business does.] Or, for an extra fee, we can personally etch anything you want into your bottle, glass or vase. Flowers, patterns or your own personal designs. We can etch anything into glass. [I’m purposely keeping the opening paragraph short, so readers of the brochure can get a quick, concise idea of your services.]

In this day and age of recycling and “thinking green,” everyone wants to find think of [“Find” is more concise than “think of.”] new uses for old things. One of the easiest objects to reuse and recycle is glass,especially glass bottles.

Do you have a closet filled with old glass bottles that are too pretty to throw away? Or are you sentimentally attached to old bottles that you really aren’t using. Keep the bottles that you love and treasure but put them to work for you. Turn your old bottles into glasses that you can actually use everyday.

When you bring us a bottle, oOur expert glass cutters carefully cut off itsthe top of a bottle and sand the cut part smooth. It’s so smooth that you can safely use the bottom part of the bottle for drinking. [I moved this sentence up, so that readers of the brochure will get an idea of your working methods sooner.]

Some bottles are just too pretty to throw away. Keep them and making them useful by turning them into drinking glasses instead.

We can also do an extra-special trick with on your wine bottles. We cut off the top of the bottle and carefully fuse the top to the bottom of the bottle, creating a really unique [“Unique” does not need any modification.] and one of a kind wine glass that reuses makes use of every part of the bottle. 100% recycling!

Or, for an extra fee, [I’ve saved any mention of fees until the end, where you mention price quotes.] We also offer glass etching services. Our skilled glass etchers will we can personally etch flowers, patterns or your own personal designs anything you want into any your bottle, glass or vase. Flowers, patterns or your own personal designs. We can etch anything into glass.

Our expert glasscutters carefully cut off the top of a bottle and sand the cut part smooth. It’s so smooth that you can safely use the bottom part of the bottle for drinking.

We can also do an “extra”-special trick on your wine bottles. We cut off the top of the bottle and carefully fuse the top to the bottom of the bottle, creating a really unique and one of a kind “wine glass” that makes use of every part of the bottle. 100% recycling!

Keep the bottles that you love and treasure—old glass bottles that are too pretty to throw away or bottles that bring back fond memories—but put them to work for you.

Mail us your bottles or bring them into our workshop yourself. We’ll quote you a price that will make you happy.

[Please post your comments about this Sample Edit. To submit your own work for a free edit–and inclusion in a posting on this blog–please write to me at jane@beaumonthardy.com.]

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